I have a question for you. A question that is highly debated. A question that a lot of people are confused over. A question that people I think, believe is either yes or no. But I think it’s a bit more detail to it than that, and that is,
Should You BLOCK Haters?
I have a more detailed analysis of haters. And so, first thing I’d like to do to get you to the decision to how to deal with haters, is, to define first of all the hater.
What is a Hater?
Well, actually a lot of people get this very wrong. Because a lot of people have assumed a critic is a hater. A lot of people think a critic is a troll. A lot of people don’t understand the difference between a critic, a troll, a hater and a wanker.
I’m going to define those 4 for you on this relatively short livestream. It will also be on my Disruptive Entrepreneur Podcast. So, let’s define a critic, a troll, a hater and a wanker, and then decide under what criteria should you block them, or if you don’t block them what the alternative is.
A critic is someone who has constructive feedback sometimes, wrapped emotionally in a very critical, sometimes harsh comment that you could actually learn from, if you take the time to stop your triggering to not react emotionally, and to listen to what’s being said.
A lot of people get upset when they’re criticised, because we want someone to give us feedback, how we want them to give the feedback. You know, we say, don’t we, ah, why don’t people just speak to each other nicely? Why do they have to talk to me like that? Well, the problem, is, you don’t get to decide how people criticise you. The style, the emotion, they get to decide that.
I have seen a lot of people turn a critic into a hater, because they acted like a child, reacted, flipped out, wound them up, got aggressive in return, misread what they were saying and how they said it.
You should embrace critics, I believe. You should not block critics. You should want to learn from them. You should understand where they’re coming from, and realised that they’ll teach you more than your fans.
A critic is someone that you can learn from, that will give you feedback. You won’t like how the say it, but there will be truth in it. And then you can consistently learn and improve your product and service based on what they say. You get an ear for the market. You get an ear for what people who aren’t so keen on your product and service say. An ear for what your competition might say. that is wisdom to get the balanced view, because you’re biased. And you probably think better of your product and service than it actually is.
The question I want to answer, do you block your competitors who copy everything that you do? Or, do you just let them, and keep doing you and what you do? So, I’m going to come to that in a moment and answer that. So, I’ve defined the critic.
I think you’ve got to also decide, how does it make you feel? If you can transcend judgment, and you have enough self-worth, that what someone says about you, doesn’t affect and impact who you are, you don’t need to block any critics. I think you can make a decision, is, what they say, and how they say it harmful to me. It’s hurting me. It’s ruining my day. It’s triggering me. I’m losing time and energy. Because you can lose a weekend arguing with the critic. Is this critic someone who’s got a valuable feedback, and he’s balanced, or just wants to win an argument?
There’s a lovely saying, never wrestle with a pig in shit. You both get covered in shit, but the pig loves it. And there are some critics who really are more like haters. They are a hater in the robes of a critic, who just want to draw you in for an argument. They’re not interested in balance. When you prove them right in one area, they’ll just slip into another area, and wrestle, and get you covered in the shit. Those people you either ignore or you block.
You’d ignore them, if occasionally you need to know what they’re saying, because you need to have a balanced view of your industry. And you need to, from time to time, check what your competitors and your critics are saying. You block them, if they affect you, impact you, hurt you, trigger you, or lose an hour in a day, or a day in a weekend.
I’ll come back to competitors in a moment. A troll is not a critic. And a troll is not a hater. A troll is a fake profile. A critic is often not a fake profile. A troll is a fake profile. Trolling is illegal. You should report trolls. Trolls can lead people to suicide. Trolls can really affect people’s brand, and reputation, and business. And trolls should be reported to all social media platforms that they’re on. And then they should be blocked, 100 percent.
But a critic is not a troll. And a hater is not a troll. And if you call a critic or a hater a troll, you’ll make them even more of a hater. So, get that clear.
A hater is someone who hates the industry, who hates what you represent. They don’t hate you, because they don’t know you. Unless you turn them into a hater, because you went at them when they’re a critic. So, be mindful that you can either turn critics into followers or fans, or at least critics into people respect you, even if they don’t agree with you in how you handle them, or you can turn a critic into a hater.
There are 2 types of haters. A hater that you’ve turned into a hater, or hates things about you, because you’ve clashed with them, or have got a bad experience with you. You’ve got to own that. Too many people going ah, f**k the hater. Once a hater, you’re a hater. Dealing in bad service, and not looking after their clients, and not conversing with the critics properly.
But then the other kind of haters, the one that hates the industry, the one that hates themselves, the one that hates what you triggering them, what they hate about them when they were young, or they tried your business and failed, or they’ve got nothing better to do, or they hate their love, or they haven’t been listened to since 1985. Now, that haters should be blocked, report if they break/violate any rules of service of social media groups. They should be blocked, 100 percent.
It’s often wise to still keep an eye on what’s going on in your industry. You need to know what people are saying about you or your company, if you want to transcend, and grow, and get a balanced view. You need to know what the complainers are saying, the people who ask for refund are saying, the fans are saying, the followers are saying, the critics are saying, the haters are saying.
But you want to remove being triggered, because when you’re triggered, it ruins your day, your week, and then you react, and then you make it worse. So, you block the pure haters and the trolls. But then you have a way of keeping an eye on your industry. Maybe, you have another account. Maybe, you have a PA, a VA or an outsourcer, who hasn’t block them so they keep an eye what’s doing.
What I do, is, I have PA, VA, outsourcers, they keep an eye on the industry. They now know to ignore what is petulance, or something petty, or irrelevant. But anything big, or anything I need to know, they either review and summarise for me, or they share me a link.
There was someone who went and posted in a few groups, essentially, criticising an event of mine, even though really, it wasn’t my event. It was a really, really long-ago trainer that we did a few things with, for not very long. In fact, 2014, I believe. There were a load of people going on bashing training, bashing us, even though we were only really vicariously involved. We’ve done a lot, that we don’t have to do, to try and help.
I read the original post. I decided it was wise for me to put one view across to help or reach out to help the person, and just to put my side to balance in a non-emotional way, and then leave. I didn’t read any of the other comments. I didn’t read all the nonsense a load of the usual haters is saying. I’d a quick scroll. Oh yeah, usual name, usual name, usual name, usual name. Hate themselves. Hate the industry. Tried and failed. Skint, bitter, twisted. Ignore all of them.
There are some people in there who’ve got fair opinions, and maybe, are more balanced. Great, ignore all that. Did my post. Left. That was the right thing to do. It wasn’t right to block. It wasn’t right to read all the comments, because it’d have just pissed me off. And I didn’t need that. So, I kind of needed to protect myself from losing my weekend. These things often happen on a Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night. People who had a drink, bang it on. So, you often lose your time and emotion. What about when you’re supposed to be seeing your kids, when you’re supposed to be living your life?
Do you block competitors?
I think, it depends how you’d feel about them. If you get triggered, upset, emotional, angry, if you get distracted, if they take hours of your day away, I believe you should block them. Because it is such a distraction. I think, it was Churchill who said something like, if you stop and shoot at every dog that barks, you’ll never get to your destination. And never a truer word spoken.
It depends on how you feel about it. But, if you learn to transcend it by thinking, I’m grateful. It means I’m going places. It’s normal. They are there to challenge me to grow. And you can use it as way to grow and develop, and get more resilience and grit. And that’s a gift. You could always unblock later. So, if it really bothers you, block. You could have a PA, a VA watch, tip you off with anything you need to know. And then over time, if you feel that you’ve mastered it, then you can unblock. So, really, it depends on how it affects you personally.
When you say, do you just let them keep doing you?
Well, they’re going to do what they’re going to do, anyway. And they may actually be inspired by you. What you believe they’re doing, they may not be doing. You perceived that they copy you when in fact, maybe, they’re inspired by you. Or, maybe, they’re not copying you, but they think that you are. Or, maybe, they are a bit, or even if they are a lot, that drives you for innovation.
The market of capitalism and the nature of competition. All the best ideas you’ve had, would have probably been in a way, partly thanks to your competition. Because they forced you to grow and innovate. Because what you used to do, you want to innovate through, because now, everyone is doing it. I’m copied all the time.
Black Friday. Here’s the irony. I didn’t invent Black Friday. But I’d created something unique for Black Friday. Then all my competitors copied me. All of them, some of them. Notice my language there. We all say, all of our competitors, no, just some. And then I decided to innovate, and to recreate, and to redesign. They forced me to do so. I did a Special Valentine’s Day offer. They all be copying that. Not all, some, because lesser doing it than you think. When you think all are doing it, 5 might be doing it. Because we have this myopia and this cognitive bias.
They force you to innovate, to redesign. And your competitors, I think that they are the main driver of you getting better, and better, and better, and better, which is, increasing your quality of your product and service to your clients. So, in that regard, I’d look to embrace it where I can. But if you’ve just got to notice how you feel, and whether you’re triggered.
Michael here has said on the live. If you’ve had enough, just block them. I agree with that. Because your time, and your life, and your energy, and your happiness is worth too much. By the way, it turns you into a bitcher, a moaner, a complainer. And who wants to be that, bitching, and moaning, and complaining, and defending, and justifying. It takes so long. If you’re going to eradicate that, you’re going to have 3 hours a day back in your life, that you could put into income generating tasks.
Katherine, if you said what about in your group? Do you mean, if you have a critic, a troll or a hater in your group?
Well, it’s all about your guidelines. Because I allow critics in my group. And as long as they follow the rules, they’re allowed to criticise me or my products or services. Because I think that makes me stay true, and always improving my products and services. Then it keeps me careful, and wise, and balanced. I think, it also shows complete integrity and surety in who I am and what I do.
And I don’t find that a group bogus has integrity, when they just block and ban, and delete anyone and everything, just because they said something they don’t like, or they’re a competitor, or they feel threatened, or they don’t like what someone says. I just think that’s not the way to lead a group. But have really clear guidelines so that they can’t troll. They can’t hate. If they break the rules, then you can put them on post approval, or you can exit them from the group.
I’ve exited people from the group, having given them 5 chances in the group. I’ve exited them. Then they’ve gone to bitch about me or my company on social media. It happened 30 times. That winds you up, and you think you know, that’s not fair, and blurt.
One guy who did it recently. He’s actually given quite a lot of value in our Community over the years, broken the rules plenty of times. Of course, oh, I’ve never broken no rules. You know, he claims complete innocence, even though it’s nonsense. But I didn’t want to remove him, because his value is quite good. But I have to be fair to everyone else, the other 27,000 people who are following the rules. And in the end, I thought enough is enough. And you’re not reading the rules. You’re not listening. So, I removed him. Then a massive slating of me and my company on social media. Everyone else goes, yeah, uh. All the other critics going, yeah, yeah, got banned as well. Yeah, my post got banned. Didn’t do anything wrong. Oh yeah, bollocks. Yeah.
I read it. It annoyed me. I put one post up in a balanced, non-emotional state. He replied. He was trying to goad. Everyone didn’t reply until I replied. And I just left and gone, and done. And you know, I’m okay. I’ve got annoyed for 10 minutes, and then I’m over it. It’s okay to get annoyed, by the way. It’s not like we’re robots, and we’re cold, and we don’t have feelings. I have feelings. I’m certainly, much more resilient than I used to be.
But that’s not a fair post. It’s not an accurate post. He is wrong, but a lot of his followers or people who don’t like our company. When I say a lot, 10. And who are they? The usual 10 who bitch and moan about everybody else. You know, at least they’re altogether in one place. So, now, I can watch them all. I know what you’re like.
Let’s summarise then. You have the final chance for stars for the Supporters Group and this video.
If they are a critic, try and learn from them. Embrace them. try and win them over. Try and watch them, and listen to them. But no critics are the same. They are all different. Some are fair and balanced. Some are almost a hater, but not quite.
I believe you should block these, and you should embrace these, and learn these to test you, to grow, to improve, to innovate and to have more resilience. Because, if you want to, for example, lead, inspire, get a bigger following, and get out there more, you’re going to have the trade-off, the absolute cost, is, way more critics, trolls and haters. Way more!
A troll is not a critic. A troll is not a hater. A troll is a fake profile. That is illegal. Block them. Ban them. Report them. We need to get rid of them, because trolls lead to suicide. Trolls, they’re professional at goading you in, at ruining and damaging your business. Often, they’re competitors under fake profiles. They need to be rid.
A hater, you can either have fun with them, joke with them. I know some people take the old joke and have some banter with them. Some people take the “I’ll have some sympathy with them, and try and care for them”. But if that affects you in any way emotionally, and you lose time, I just recommend you block. Then you have someone else who watches over all these blocked people so that you know what’s going on in your industry.
Then a wanker, you can’t deal with a wanker. You can’t wrestle with a pig in shit, because a pig loves to get covered in shit. So, you can’t win with wrestling with a pig in shit. If you stop and shoot at every dog that barks, you’ll never get to your destination. So, hopefully, that helps about dealing with the critics, trolls, haters and wankers.
Remember, the most important thing is your energy, your passion, your enthusiasm, your happiness, your time. Energy is time. What you think about is time. And I know for those of you that’s really affected, is, hours a day. And you can get rid of that.
But it isn’t a one size fits all. I hope that this content really helps you.
What are your rules for dealing with critics, trolls, haters and wankers. I believe the following will really help you.
No. 1. Be grateful for all. It’s easy to be grateful for all things that are good. It’s harder to be grateful that seems challenging, or difficult, or painful for you. There’s this brilliant quote from John Demartini. There’s a… mm, I nearly got it wrong there. John Demartini, one of my mentors, past and present and all of his content I love.
There is a blessing in every stressing
– John Demartini.
There is a blessing in every stressing. So, if you take the view that there is a blessing in every critique. There is a blessing in every hate. There is a blessing in every trolling. I can always learn something about managing social media, managing myself, and managing my emotions the way that I deal with it. Being grateful for all of it, not just the good. You will learn more from you critics. And you’ll learn from your fans. So, embracing the lessons from your critics, even if you don’t agree with them, even if you don’t like them, or like how they present the information.
No. 2. I think being professional and consistent at all times, not reacting and lashing out emotionally. I know sometimes, a lash-out, and an emotional post, and a big rant can get really good reach. And as long as you’re aware of what you’re doing, and you’re not doing it like in a childish, or in an out-of-control way, I think it’s fine.
But I think if you can hold your hand high, and even your head, act with professionalism and grace and humility through these times of challenge, I think in the long run, people will go wow. People don’t look at you and overly judge you when you’re being criticised. Anyone that changed their opinion of you, just because you get criticised once, probably isn’t worth being a follower, or fan, or a customer of yours.
But when you handle it with grace, with humility, with gratitude, then people really admire and respect you as a leader. And there will be followers and fans for many years to come.