I’ve 9 ways for you to deal better with other people’s moods, baggage, shite. This isn’t quite a rant. But I think a lot of people are blaming everybody else’s moodiness for dragging them down, blaming their criticism, blaming their own energy on other people. I hear people say a lot, they made me do this. They made me say this. They made me feel this.
Actually, no one makes you say, or do, or feel anything. You own that. And you’re responsible for that. So, the main theme I supposed of these 9 ways to deal with people’s moods, and shite, and baggage, is, full and personal responsibility for your own mood, energy, environment, motivation, enthusiasm and situation, because you can control all of that.
But that being said, let’s give you 9 practical ways that you can deal with people’s moods, shite, their bad energy whether it’s staff, loved ones, kids, parents, siblings, customers, partners, you name it.
1. Contextualise the feedback/lesson
The first thing, is, they may actually be some useful feedback in their moodiness. They may have had a moan, a complaint. They might be particularly grumpy. Actually, if you took the way that they delivered it away, you know, you took the energy away, and you just looked at what they said, maybe, there’s something useful to learn for you, for your business, and for your general personal development.
If you’re always looking for the lesson, then I think that will serve you well. I hear people a lot say, why did they say that? Why did they say that like that? Why did they post that there? Why did they give me that criticism in a WhatsApp Group, on a Facebook Group, or whatever? But you can’t control how people deliver feedback to you. And you can’t control where they deliver it, even though you want to.
Your control over the way they deliver, when they deliver, how they deliver stresses you out. But actually, if you take that away and accept where, how, and when they deliver, and if they’re moody, aggressive, or angry, or whatever, just say, okay. That’s how they’ve chosen to deliver it. And listen to what they say. There are probably some useful lessons in there.
If you don’t allow yourself to get emotionally triggered by their emotional response, and you sort of calm yourself down for those 90 seconds, when the emotions are all flooding around, you’re going to get some useful insights. People’s ability to take feedback, even when it’s not delivered very well, that’s emotional mastery. That’s business mastery. That’s life mastery.
2. Maybe it’s useful – balances you
The second thing, is, maybe it actually balances you. Maybe, you’re a bit over-optimistic, overly positive. Maybe, you need a bit of bringing back down to earth. You need your feet kept on the ground. I’m the sort of person that chucks a lot of ideas out there. I’ve got a lot of ideas. I was going to say a lot of good ideas. That’s not true. I’ve got a lot of shit ideas, and some decent ideas.
People come to me, oh, Rob, this is going wrong. That is going wrong. Oh, my life, everything is doomed. Oh, I’m all f**ked up. I’m going to die. Help me!! It’s like they want me to solve everything. Then I give them loads of ideas, they go, no, that’s shit. No, that’s shit. That won’t work. No, that’s shit. Sometimes, I get really frustrated. I’m like, well, you want me to solve your problem. Then when I’ve given you, ideas to solve the problem, and then none of them are good enough.
But actually, when I think about it, I realise that, that maybe balances me. Maybe, puts me in check. Maybe, gets me to check some of the downsides, because I don’t get too naive, imbalanced, over-enthusiastic, too big picture. So, actually, the second point, is, it can be useful. And it can balance you.
3. Their mood can’t affect yours without your permission
The third thing, and this is the most important one, and probably, the most challenging to do. But I would see this of the 9 as the most important, is that, their mood can’t affect your mood without your permission to affect your mood.
They’re grumpy. They’re down. They’re depressed. They’ve got no energy walking to the room. They sucked the energy out of you like a blackhole. It doesn’t have to affect your mood. You can still be happy. You can still be positive. If their suck of energy is less powerful than your give of energy, then it’s like, the person who believes the most wins. The person with the best energy, wins.
You can only let people drag you down, and make you feel, ugh, with your own permission. So, manage your own state. If you’re enthusiastic, and inspired, and positive, and keen, and passionate, don’t let anyone put that fire out. That’s your choice, and you can own that.
4. Minimise your time with them
No. 4, and this is what a lot of people say. I think it’s a good advice, but only some of the time. And that is, if they are a real drain, and they’re sucked like a blackhole – get rid of them. If they are complete drain, they’re a massive victim, they’re a huge emotional baggage that they chuck onto you, they don’t want you to win, they’ve not got a solution, they bring a problem for every solution, then minimise your time with them. If it’s friends and family, minimise your time with them. Then if it’s people you don’t really need in your life, you can completely get shot.
But that’s only part of the time, part of the solution. And too many people are going, oh, get rid of everyone negative in your life. No, you don’t want to do that. And there’s a big difference between someone being negative and someone being a critic.
Jean here has just said, just wait till you have teenagers. Yes, I have got that all to come, which is, why I don’t give much parenting advice out.
5. Cheer them up with your annoying positivity
No. 5 then, and it depends on the situation. But I’ve a few people relatively close to me, that I need to spend some time with. Sometimes, I think, uh, you’re just bringing shit all the time, problems to everything. There’s no passion and enthusiasm. Sometimes, I like to just overdose them with my own positivity, and enthusiasm and solutions, and almost to the point, where it’s annoying.
Annoy the critics and the sceptics with your positivity and enthusiasm. I think some of the time, that’s a really good thing to do. Again, the person with the most energy wins, whether that’s a draining energy or a giving radiator energy. Sometimes, just cheer them up and annoy them with your positivity.
6. Let it go, does it really matter?
No. 6 then, and this is actually a big important one as well. I’d say this is the second most important after No. 3, is, you can just let so much stuff go. I see people all the time messaging me, posting, ah, I saw this on Facebook, and it’s pissed me off. Oh, I hate the way they do that. Why do they lie? Why do they say this? Why do they do that? Why do they criticise? Let it go. Does it even matter? Let it go. Will it affect your life? Let it go. You can’t control everyone. You don’t need to control everyone who post something on Facebook, or every person in your life how they act with you, how they deal with you, how they ask question, if they say please, if they say thank you, how they look at you, let it go…
7. A test & challenge of your own mindset
No. 7, this is a good one, actually. I believe that it’s a real challenge of your own mindset to be able to deal positively with negative energy. Negative people drain, are, suckers of life. It’s a test for you to stay positive, to stay immune, to give you a bit of thick rhino skin. Rather than see it as a massive drag, why don’t you see it as a bit of a test of your ability to keep your energy high?
8. Thank them
No. 8, thank them and then f**k off. So, you could be grateful for their feedback and their criticism in their very draining way, and then just get out of the place. When you get drawn into debates and arguments on social media, and you know you’ll never win, even if you’re right. There’s this lovely saying, which is, never wrestle with a pig in the shit. Because you’ll both get covered in shit. But the pig likes it.
Don’t get sucked into these debates, these arguments, these political rants, all this stuff on social media, that’s a massive drain of your energy. Thank them. Thanks for your feedback. Here’s my point. Bye. I’m off to enjoy my weekend, and then just goodbye.
9. Maybe there is something deep behind it (care to help)
No. 9, and this is actually very relevant as well. This is the third most important one of the 9. That would be actually, sometimes, when people are down, they’re a bit of drain, it’s actually some shit going on in their life. And if you care to listen and help, and actually, look what’s behind it, maybe you understand. Maybe, you can serve them, and help them, and support them. Actually, maybe, you both end up winning.
I’ve got a very good friend, someone I work very closely with, who I’d say 90 percent of the times, if he’s not bringing his full A game, shall we say, it’s because he’s had a bad night sleep. Sometimes, people have got shit going on in their life. Sometimes, they found out that a loved one of theirs, maybe, was diagnosed with a really bad illness, or they’ve got a massive financial difficulty.
Don’t always jump on them, because they’re not bringing their A game, and they’re bringing a bit of negativity, when in fact, it might be justified. And it could be a reaching out to you. If you care to look beyond that, you could really, really help them.