I’m sharing the 10 biggest, unusual surprising and hard lessons I’ve had from 2019. I also share some wins too. But I’m frequently told that the content that people like from me, right up there with my best content, is, when I share my mistakes, challenges, and hardships. And believe you me, whilst this year has been in many areas my best and biggest year that I’ve ever had in my 40 years. It also brought me some of my biggest challenges, difficult lessons, some things that I maybe should have known, but didn’t know, maybe, could have prepared for, but didn’t prepare for. I’ve got blindsided by a few things. We have a few really big disruptions.
As you know I hired a therapist off the back of some of the challenges I had, which is actually, point 10. I’ve had some… It’s been a really great thing for me to have a therapist. I’ve always had coaches, mentors. I was always on courses. I was always on masterminds for the last 15 years. And it’s really helped grow my business and my personal development. But it was only 3 months ago, I hired a therapist. And I will share that.
I have 10 of these big unusual, surprising, challenging, hard lessons to share with you from 2019 to prepare us to go big in 2020. I’ll list some of them. Then I’ll go back and detail them. Then I’ll summarise them at the end.
No. 1. Be careful what you wish for. I wish for my biggest year. I’ve had my biggest year, and it gave me some big challenges.
No. 2. With your biggest highs, can come your biggest challenges.
No. 3. Stay patient.
No. 4. You can always outsource and leverage more.
No. 5. Every entrepreneur struggles with letting go.
No. 6. You have to ask for help.
No. 7. It’s all about people.
No. 8. It’s about realism, the upsides and the downsides.
No. 9. What you think you know about people.
No. 10. Some lessons from my therapy.
Almost a year ago to the date was January 2nd, I made a strategic plan to have my biggest year ever. I watched the Alexander McQueen documentary. He hung himself when he was 40 years old on the evening of his mum’s funeral. He did put so much into 21 years of his career. He became one of the best artists I believe, that’s ever lived, one of the best fashion designers that’s ever lived. That documentary absolutely blew my mind and shook my world.
And I made some changes in my mindset. I made some commitments. And I committed to having the biggest year ever. I was going to go for 20 million or 21 million turn over in my training business, which was, our biggest year ever. We were going to develop our biggest property projects. We’re developing 130 units in 2 big projects at the moment. I was going to build my personal brand the biggest, have the most followers I’ve ever had. My reach in my podcast was going to go ballistic. I was going to be sending our trainers globally. We’re going to do a big rebrand of all of our companies. In fact, you can listen to that episode. I did an episode of all my plans for 2019.
And I had the biggest year ever. BUT I learned something very specific.
This is going to seem a bit strange. But I remember speaking to Dr John Demartini a few months ago. And he said to me, when I’m planning my goals now, when I’m planning my year or whatever, as well as planning my goals and what I want to achieve, I also plan in advance the challenges I’m going to have.
It’s like goalsetting and fear setting. Goal setting is setting the goals. Fear setting is what all the challenges be. What difficulties might there be. What do we need to plan and prepare for in advance. What could blindside us. And most people don’t do that. I thought that’s quite interesting what John Demartini does, is, he plans for the downsides when he’s planning the upsides. And this was the lesson I’ve got for having my biggest year ever in 2019, because I also had my biggest challenges.
When you set your goals and your plans the bigger they are, make sure also you plan for the disruptions, the challenges, the difficulties, the breakages, and then you’re ready for them. Also, being careful what you wish for, because I only wish for my biggest year ever. But I also had my chaotic year ever, the biggest challenges ever, some big breakages. And you can’t wish for one without the other. I wasn’t specific enough with what I wish for and what I plan for.
That was a big lesson. It’s been a big year, a crazy year, an amazing year, a challenging year, a year that forced me to getting a therapist. We had massive challenges with huge growth, but huge increase in overhead. It went from like, 450 to 700 grand a month just in a year. That’s a lot. So, if I’m targeting growth and scale all the time, I’ve got to watch the profit margin. I’ve got to watch the overheads. And it’s kind of hard to do both. So, that was a big revelation for me.
Things break when you go big, you know, staff leave, systems break. What else broke? Merchant providers. It was funny, because we had our biggest event ever. We did £1.2 million from one event in 2 days. Then one of our merchant providers, which is, basically someone who allows you to take money, said sorry, we’re giving you notice. You take too much money. You made too much money. WHAT?!! I mean you can’t plan and prepare for that. And that causes us a lot of disruption.
Point 2 is linked to point 1. With your biggest highs, not only can, but will come your biggest challenges, your biggest lows. You need to be ready for what you can’t be ready for. And that sounds weird, doesn’t it? Like, prepare and plan for the unexpected. Be ready for what you can be ready for. And be prepared for what blindside you. That’s a paradox, because you’ll never know what that is. But at least, be ready for it, whatever it will be!
I think I was a little bit naïve about that at the start of the year. We’ve had plenty of challenges, and I felt like I was pretty prepared for challenges. But what I wasn’t prepared for, was that, the bigger I go, the bigger the challenges go. And it’s weird, because I knew that every year, the bigger I’ve gone, the bigger challenges we’ve had. But I think I had a couple or 3 of really comfortable years.
If you go back and listen to that podcast I did a year ago, you will hear me say things like, look, I’ve got pretty comfortable last 2 or 3 years. I stopped doing a load of speaking gigs. I started sending my trainers on all the speaking gigs. I’ve got really comfortable, mostly staying inside doing my podcast from home, not really getting out there, and being that social. We have 80 odd staff. Things were pretty systemised. I spent a lot of time with my son playing golf. I had a lot of freedom and choice. But I’ve got comfortable. And so, I desired to disrupt myself and get uncomfortable myself.
At the same time, it’s weird that I’m very aware that with your biggest growth, comes your biggest challenges. I definitely wasn’t ready for the ones that I had. But then if I had been ready, maybe I wouldn’t push myself to that new level.I put myself out there way more last year. I did way more speaking gigs. I launched some new courses. I went and did a load of external speaking gig, you know, in front of 500 people or 1,000 people, or whatever. Stuff I’ve been doing for years, but I had stopped doing, because I was systemising. I was stepping back. I was letting my trainers and my staff take the lead. I was being a leader, and not just putting myself out there. I was letting them take over, you know, a lot of the assets that I’ve built, the podcasts, the speaking gigs. My job was to develop them rather than myself, but I’ve got comfortable. Then I disrupted myself, and then I caused myself some pain.
Point 3is to stay patient. I think we all know patience is important. They say, it takes 10 years to be an overnight success. Well, I’m not sure that takes that long anymore. But you certainly have to be patient.
I see people worrying about their competition. Looking at what others are doing. Feeling like they’re getting left behind. Finding how to sit on their hands. Want to do that income stream, that business model, that opportunity, because everyone else is doing it. And it’s really easy to get distracted by anyone else. You don’t plant a seed and come back the next day and go, where is my tree? I’ve got f**ked up. I’ve got missold. I’ve got scammed. I want my tree. Give me my tree. You wouldn’t do that.
I think it’s really important to be inspired by those who are ahead of you, but don’t feel like you’re not worthy. Be motivated by competition, but don’t get distracted by them. Be clear on your vision, your mission, your values, your goals, your journey, your direction where you’re going, and stay patient.
Have you seen that growth curve of wealth by Warren Buffett? Age 18, slow, slow, slow,. Age 50, age 55, bosh, straight up. Age 85, 100 billion or not far off. Age 50, a few million. And it took ages to go from zero to a few million. And then not very long to go to 10 million to 100 million to 1,000 million. 1,000 million? A billion.
A lot of people are not patient enough. They’re not consistent enough. They distract themselves. People often think, ah, my distraction, my competition are distracting me. This person is interrupting me. I’m getting calls, emails and messages. Everyone is distracting me. Everyone is interrupting me. No! Only you are distracting you and interrupting you by allowing those things to disrupt you.
A lot of that is impatience. It’s a lack of consistency. Like I said, you don’t expect to plant a seed, and have your tree the next day. Maybe, only now, 5 years in, am I getting really good reach on my videos. I’ve reached 200 plus countries on my podcast. I have done 430 episodes on my podcast. I do 2 or 3 episodes every single week.
And you know what? I now know I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be prolific. Be prolific over perfect. Be consistent over fast, fast, fast, and then over. Patience, sitting on your hands, and sometimes doing nothing instead of doing something that disrupts, or overrules, or breaks what you were doing. Like Tracey has said, her brain distracts her. Of course, we are our own biggest distractor.
No. 4 you can always outsource and leverage more. I wrote Life Leverage, and I’d outsource most of my business and personal admin. I didn’t really have to do much, except check in for board meetings, check in occasionally online or on email. I could travel for weeks on end, that’s how I wanted my life while I was doing all of Bobby’s European, and British, and World Golf Championships all over the world.
But when you get to a certain level of outsourcing and leveraging certain levels of admin, then all you do, is, take on more. And then you have a high-level of responsibility. Then you get busy and overwhelmed again. But then you can take on the next level of outsourcing like, a Marketing Manager or someone in sales. Then an Operations Manager, and then an MD, and then a CEO, and you become Chairman. There’s always another level of leverage and outsourcing.
What you’d find, is, you outsource stuff. You liberate your time. When you think, ah, I’m done now, I can relax. I don’t have to do anything. I’m going to travel the world. And I did that. But then you either get bored, and you get distracted. You’ll need more, because you need that importance of feeding. Or, you want to grow when you create space. You want to fill it with growth and more. Then you get busy and overwhelmed again. Then you need to leverage out again.
Some people said to me, “Rob, you’ve seemed to be busy than ever”. That’s because I created the space to bring more things in. Next year, I’m going to do a lot more of speaking gigs. And I’m going to do a lot more podcast. I’m going to go to America and hire a Winnebago, and travel up the west coast and do loads of podcast interviews. I have 15 people in marketing. I’ve 12-15 people in sales. Sales and marketing, is, all outsourced.
But when I outsource that, I do my own social media. Then my social media becomes too much for me, I have to get help on my social media. Then when I’ve got Katherine, our MD, who’s running the whole enterprise, and then I’ll go and start another enterprise, or go and buy a company, or go and travel to America, and try and get my brand launched in America. That is my nature. That is human nature often when you create voids of space and time, you fill it. You just leverage and outsource. It is a constant new level, constant new level, constant new level, constant new level, constant new level.
Point 5 every entrepreneur struggles with letting go. I don’t care what level you’re at, hiring staff, scaling, getting management in, selling your business, getting help on your personal brand, developing property projects, media and TV, and PR, every entrepreneur I’ve ever met even billionaires, they have challenges letting go. What the good ones have done, is, letting go at lower levels, but they struggled to let go at higher levels.
A couple of things I let go of this year, that I’ve struggled for so many years. One of them, is, I’ve trained probably 120 trainers. 25 of them are more than capable now of running all of my events, my 850 training days a year. And I’m sending them all around the world to do all the speeches abroad, and I won’t be doing that. In the early years, I did them all. And in the latter years, I had to do the earlier ones to train them, and then make sure that they probably won’t train to then let go. And now, they’re good enough. I know they’re good enough, and they’re going to do it, and I’ve let go of that.
And the second thing, is, I’ve written loads of books as you know. I’ve finally got help, editorial, ghost-writing, more research. Actually, for the first time ever, my new book, Opportunity, is going to be, yes, the content is mine, and I’ve done lots of transcriptions and WhatsApp messages, and the bulk of the content for my ghostwriter is actually, physically written the book. I don’t think in any way the work will be affected. She knows my voice. I think she’s got that down. I’ve even argued that it’s going to, in many ways, be better.
I always said, well, I can’t let go of that. I can’t leverage that. All right, I can have an MD and my company, and I can hire loads of staff. I can get like, an outsourcer to help me with all my social media messaging and stuff like that. But I can’t have people write my books for me. Well, I can! And that’s the thing.
With my friend, Gerald Ratner had his book ghost-written. Why can’t I? I’ll just make sure my voice is there, all the content is original and mine. There are the 2 big things I have let go off. That means, the things that you’re struggling to let go off, the admin, the outsourcing, the dealing with the clients, the sales, the marketing, you can let go of it, because there are always new levels of letting go.
Every entrepreneur struggles. Then they let go. Then they get admin help. Then people make mistakes. They have good stuff and bad stuff. You know, they have to turn over. They have people who set up in competition. They have people that screw them over. They have bad PR. Their brand is slightly damaged by someone. You go through all of that. If you want to grow, you have to go through all of that. But then you get good systems and processes, and training, and onboarding, and leadership, and that diminishes, and you get comfortable that you’ve let go of a certain level. Then it’s the next level. And then it’s the next level. And then it’s the next level.
Point 6, you have to ask for help. Many people are struggling alone. They don’t have mentors, coaches. They don’t have therapist. They don’t talk to people. They’re not in the right peer group. I cannot tell you how many calls I have with people. At the end they say, Rob, it’s just nice to talk to someone who understands. Rob, it’s nice to talk to someone who’s not judging me. Rob, it’s nice to talk to someone who’s got a business. Rob, it’s nice to talk to someone who doesn’t judge me. Rob, it’s nice to talk to someone who’s an entrepreneur, and knows what I’m going through. I hear that all the time.
And here’s the thing though. It’s important. It’s your responsibility. You can’t sit there alone, wishing for people to come to save you and support you. You’ve got to go and find those circles. You’ve got to get to the networking event. You have to get to the right Facebook Groups. You’ve got to take me up on the one-to-one calls when I do them. You’ve got to come to the Progressive events. You’ve got to join my Supporters Programme. You know, you’ve got to get in the right network and the right circles. Hunt out the millionaires locally, and take them out for lunch and dinner. That’s on you!
A massive revelation I have this year. I’m really good at asking for help for something that I’m either shit at. I don’t mind being shit at. I’m learning. I don’t know, and I’m really good at asking for help. I always do courses. I always get masterminds. I always go and ask people well ahead of me. I’m good at that. I wasn’t good at that, 15 years ago. By the way, pride and ego always get in the way.
But here was a revelation I had this year. If it’s marketing, or if it’s selling, or if it’s social media, or if it’s personal development, or if it’s vision, or if it’s strategy, the things that I’m actually quite good at and people perceive me to be good at, and I helped a lot of people with, I had this block, where I would never ask for anyone for any help in those areas. Because I perceived that people looked up to me, because a lot of people do. Therefore, I perceived it as a weakness to ask for help in that area, because I’m supposed to be strong. And that was a massive revelation for me.
In the end, I sat my MD down and my business partner down. And I said, look, I just need to tell you that I’m really struggling. I’m struggling with this. I’m struggling with that. And I know you both think I’ve probably got it sorted. And I’m supposed to be good at this. But I need to tell you that I’m struggling, and I need help. That was really scary for me to do. But it was also really liberating. It was probably only a week or 2 after that, that I had my therapist, which is, point 10, by the way, on this livestream. It was just a massive like, ahhh, I felt like a massive weight off my shoulders.
Because I think many of you watching and listening, you’re good at asking for help in certain areas, where you don’t worry being judged. But in other areas, you’d probably never ask for help. You know, a lot of strong independent males, or northern males, or men who are like, struggled to talk about their emotions, maybe some of our failings and mistakes and vulnerabilities, or like I said, areas you’re supposed to be good at, or people perceived you to be, that you’ve got your shit together.
But if you don’t ask for help, you don’t get it. It’s only when you’re really struggling, where people come and save you. You don’t want to wait until you’re really struggling. Go out there, and ask for help. It’s really important. You can ask me. If anyone who’s struggling, anyone has got real difficulties going on in their life, you’re having like depressive or suicidal thoughts, I’d always give you time. I do one-to-one calls with anyone asking for help in that regard.
If my work helps you ask for help more, then I am fulfilled. Because you know what, it’s not that you need to know everything, because you’ve got access to everything you need, through me, through my livestreams, through my Supporters Programme, through my podcast, through my social media groups, through my network, through your network, through mentors, through therapists, through coaches, through millionaires, through social media. Everyone and everything you need you’ve got instant access to. You just have to ask. You just have to let people know what you want and you need. It was definitely ego that got in the way for me.
I’ll give you another example. I’ve never used to ask anyone for podcast guests. Because I’ve had a lot of great guests. I guess people perceived that I’m good at getting guests. I f**k that now. If I want to interview Kevin Pietersen, or Damien Hirst, or Ronnie O’Sullivan, or Vivienne Westwood, or what other guests. I’d love to interview all 4 of those. If anyone knows any of them, please put me in touch. I’m just going to ask. I’m going to put on my social media. What’s wrong with asking. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. My dad taught me that.
But what stops me from asking, is, my or our fear of being judged. But f**k it. I’d rather be judged for asking for a podcast guest, and then getting them than not asking. And why is there a weakness to ask? People see it as a weakness to ask. I think it’s a strength. It’s a strength to ask. It’s a strength to ask for help. It’s the strength to say, hey look, I’m not where I want to be. None of us are where we want to be. This is just normal.
Point 7, people. For me, probably the greatest gift of life is the people that you meet, the experiences you have with people. We’re an interconnected social animal. Have you had something happened? And then it happened on your own. You didn’t get to accelerate with anyone. And maybe, you didn’t feel as good. This is going to sound weird.
But I never told anyone this for probably, 15 years. Then for some reason, I’ve got asked it on a podcast. Then everyone knew about it. I won the Face of Peterborough 1999. I wouldn’t won it in 2020, let’s be honest, with these grey hairs in my beard. But it’s a bit embarrassing, but I won a modelling competition in Peterborough in 1999, which is, nothing to be proud of. I remember I won it. The big sort of final with like 8 of us, where we did interviews, and we did all this catwalk and all this kind of cheesy crap. This was in the biggest nightclub in Peterborough. It was called back then, Quo Vadis.
I don’t know anyone in Peterborough remember that. It was a wow, and they were like hundreds of people in this club. I remember just thinking, ah, man, this actually feel quite good. A couple of people come up to me in the club nice one, well done. I thought, maybe, I’ll get a girl tonight. Then my sister said, we’re going. Because I used to go out with my sister. And off we went. We ended up going somewhere else. I went home. I remember thinking, man, I’ve won this, and I don’t get to celebrate it with anyone. I’m sitting on my own, going, well, great.
I’ve got a business partner, and our victory is a much better one. We get to share them together. And your challenges are much better when you get to have help and share those with other people too. For me, people, is, everything. And the podcast gets self-met. The partners I’ve got, the mentors I’ve got, the community I’ve got, all of you that follow me and listen to my podcast are in my Supporters Programme. Honestly, I’ve met so many amazing, inspiring, interesting people. I talk to you on one-to-ones, the challenges and hardships you’ve had, yet how strong you are.
All the people here have given me stars. We’ve just hit 10,000 on this livestream. It just makes me feel amazing and alive. I’m so inspired by the people I meet. I realised the greatest gift, is, meeting really interesting, quirky, unique, inspired people, entrepreneurs, people on the same journey, people who like the same stuff, who are going through the same stuff.
I challenged myself this year to meet way more people, to put myself out there, to meet billionaires, to meet hundred millionaires, to meet people struggling, to mentor more people, to get mentored by more people, to be more social, to do more social supporter meet-ups, and go on to speak at more events.
And I’m really good friends with people now like, Grant Cardone and Jake Wood and Kevin Clifton. You know, really massive successful people who I call friends, and they call me friends. And that is just like an amazing gift. I don’t usually have that many friends’ friends. But I’ve actually made a couple of really good friends this year. People who I regard as good close friends. And that’s also an awesome thing for me to experience.
Are you doing that enough? Probably not. You should be doing it more. You learned a lot from them. You get inspired from them. You get energy from them. And also, I think it’s really important to hang around with people in your peer group, to hang around with people above you, you know, mentors, the people who are successful, and more experienced in the niche you want to be successful in.
But also, hang around with people that are less experienced than you that you can help and you can give your wisdom. Hang around with older people who are mentors, who’ve got wisdom and experience. Hang around with younger people who make you feel alive, and energetic, and enthusiastic.
I’ve spent this year hanging around a lot with Harry, and Kieran, and Bella, and Thom who are all like 30 or under. Bella is 21. Kieran is 25. Harry is 26/27. And these guys are younger, a lot younger than me. That’s great because I just remember my energy, my enthusiasm. Because I hang around with older people to get their wisdom, and knowledge, and experience. Do both.
And for me, people are the greatest gifts in life. You know, when you have interesting, energetic like, dingy dongy dynamic conversation. Dingy dongy, I don’t know what that means. A dynamic conversation with people. You know how great that feels. It’s weird, because I feel like that now. you know, I haven’t been just talking to myself, but I’m not really. I’m talking to you.
Point 8 realism. I must admit, in the early years of starting my business and my property portfolio, I was all about big goals, dream. Being unrealistic. Those that are crazy enough to think they can change the world, often do. That’s going to be me. Then I smack you in the face. Then life gives you some hard, cold realities, and difficulties, and challenges. And I think what?
Maybe, last year, a year before, the last 2 or 3 years before 2019, I bought into being realistic. Hmm, maybe 10 percent growth is realistic in a 13-year-old business. Maybe, 30 percent growth is unrealistic. And you know what? This year I thought, no, f**k that. I think, yeah, okay. Being grounded, cool. Learning your lessons, cool. Don’t get your ego get away with you, cool. But still have big dreams. Still have big goals.
I decided in 2019 that I wasn’t going to set up for a 10 percent growth, just because mentors of mine, ah, well, 10 percent of growth in a 14-year-old company, that’s about realistic. I mean, 15 percent would be really good. I was like no, f**k that. Why do I have to buy into that? Why do I have to own that and be realistic about that? We’re going to have 30 percent growth. We’re going to have 50 percent growth. So, we did. We have 30 percent growth, because I decided not to buy into what other people told me, I should be realistic about.
There is a paradoxical balance that 500 percent growth, you know, 10 million every minute, of course, that’s deluded. There has to be some grounded realism. But don’t buy into these limitations that other people impose upon you. If it’s humanly possible, you can do it. And break those limitations that others put on you, and you put on yourself about being too realistic and safe and secure. A big lesson for me.
Some of my lessons this year has been re-lessons like, things I learned 10 years ago, because I’m in a different place now, and I’ve got a bigger brand and a bigger business. So, I learn them again, but just at a higher level. And so, that was definitely an interesting thing for me to experience this year.
xPoint 9, stop judging people. To stop assuming what you think they think, and start listening, and asking.
I see this all the time, where people assume you’ve said or done something, or that you mean something when they have no proof. And I think we do that a lot, don’t we? We assume and we judge probably to overcome our own fears. Probably, to be defensive, or critical, or to elevate ourselves. You do not know people until you ask. You do not know what they mean until you ask. And I’m gobsmacked to how many people assume on social media, and just in general.
Loads of people say, oh, billionaires are power hungry. Why do we need billionaires? I have met 5 new billionaires this year. I know probably a dozen billionaires. They’re all some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. In fact, they are way nicer than a lot of the critics who are criticising them. I know, because I’ve met them. They’re not greedy at all. They’re not power hungry at all. People don’t know them, and they judge them.
On social media, people are always, ah, this means this. This means that. Occasionally, as admin of my Facebook Groups, I have to delete posts, because people break the rules. People all the time going, oh, someone deleted the post. But I did nothing wrong, and they deleted the post, because I did this, and I did that. Or, they deleted the post, because they don’t want you talking bad about them. Or, they deleted the post, because of blah, blah, blah. And they’re always wrong. They don’t check the guidelines. They don’t check to ask.
I think a great lesson, is, to not judge people, to not assume, to care, to ask, to find out, to discover. And certainly, don’t go publicising publicly and socially what you think people are saying, and doing, and how you think they are. Loads of people, they judge celebrities. People who are successful and famous and wealthy, they’ve never met them.
I don’t judge until I’ve met. And if you catch me saying something about someone I’ve never met, slap me. Give me an emoji slap, because I’m not perfect. I might slip from time to time. But I do my best not to judge, because you don’t know.
By the way, I’m constantly surprised by people. I think I know someone. I see many of you posting on my social media. I think I know you quite well. Then we do a one-to-one call. Then we’re like, wow. I didn’t know that at all. And we’ve all got struggles. We’re all doing the best with what we know, with how we’re brought up. We’re all getting triggered and reacting to that. I think most people mean good. Yeah, we often don’t know where a lot of people’s drivers come from.
Point 10, Therapy. This year was the first year I hired a therapist. I don’t why I thought about it. Because actually, I didn’t give a shit if people are going to judge me. Some people are like, ugh, a therapist. Ugh, he must be f**ked up. I didn’t hire them, because I was f**ked up. I hired them after a couple of big challenges. But I hired them, because I thought I’ve tried everything else, coach, mentor, peers, friends, partners. There were some needs I wasn’t getting met. I wasn’t able to talk deep enough. There were things I couldn’t open about. There were things they would judge me on even though I know they try not to judge me.
I just thought, well, therapist is the only thing I haven’t tried. I tried 3 or 4. 3 or 4 who didn’t work for me. Maybe, they were… Some of them were a bit judgmental, which I was surprised at. Some of them kept trying to read what I was saying and assuming what I was saying. Some of them didn’t let me go deep enough, didn’t let me talk long enough. Then I found one, bang. It’s just gone wild.
By the way, loads of people have asked me for my therapist. I’m sorry I can’t share my therapist details. She wouldn’t have any time left in a life with all the people that have asked me. But all I did as research local therapists. I tried to look at the ones that might have the skills of where I think I’m lacking, and actually, tried some, and thenjust set on the one that I liked.
But you can never talk deep enough about what you want to talk about in a two-way conversation. It has to be someone who is paid to listen, No. 1. No. 2, the deeper you go, the deeper you go. The more tangents you go off, and you realise, wow, I didn’t know that about me. I didn’t know that about me. I didn’t know that about me. You will know way more about yourself doing therapy than you will in many other areas.
I mean I’ve done so much personal development, so many courses. I’ve got so many mentors, and yet I learned so much more about myself that I didn’t know. It’s very cathartic, of course. You’ll often find your triggers, which you’ll be able to own, and repair, and forgive. You work solely on you for a change. You’re not fearing judgment. I’ve learned so much about myself.
So, 2019 has been about the journey of getting a therapist. And 2020 will be about exploring myself, getting to know myself even better. I thought a lot of my triggers came when I was an overweight kid, and I was what, 8, 9 10, 11. I’ve shared that with you from time to time. I actually didn’t realise a lot of them go way back from when I was alone in my mum and dad’s pub while they were working. When I was very young like 2 and 3 and 4, and a couple of experiences in the cod, and at Christmas Day, and stuff like that. I was like, wow, that really did surprise me. But it also really helped me.
And I believe the better you know yourself, the better you’re equip with the pursuit that you’re on, not worrying about what people judge you on or criticise you for. If you know yourself, and love, and own, and respect yourself, and admire yourself, and you know that younger version of you was doing its best. If there was anyone else should have sympathy with them, so why are you beating up about it. That equips you with the tools and the understanding, and the confidence, and the volition, and the centeredness to go and achieve your mission.
SI’m definitely going to share that journey with you, because I did it as a bit of a test. I kind of a bit reticent to do that, not because of the judgement. I don’t really care, if I get judged. So, what. I know it’s a gift. I know a lot of people are getting benefit from me sharing that. You know, I am a bit of an over-sharer. But I know that gives other people the permission to share their challenges. And I know they’ll benefit from that. So, I’ve learned that from my over-sharing over the years.
Why did I not do it before? I guess I haven’t thought about it. I guess I hadn’t exhausted all other options. I guess I perceived that maybe the therapist wouldn’t be at a good enough level. I mean paying 50 quid an hour for me is like, too cheap. They can’t be good at that price. I mean some of my mentors charge me thousands of pounds an hour. One of them, £3,000 for a 45-minute phone call. So, it’s just perception.